It's hard and painful....I can't forget about it...My painful story kills me deeply from within and I just have to share it.

I met with a guy at FET College(In South Africa) where i study,he was cute,hot and nice... the way any girl could dream of....the Guy(Mapie) was loved by my sister but fortunately or unfortunately, his interest was on me and sooner than later we were in a relationship. We really spent a lot of time together and he showed me love and care that I had never experienced before. He lived with two of his pals just outside campus and that made it easier for us to hang out most if not all of the time. Our relationship blossomed and was all that a perfect chick in a perfect world could wish for..the relationship got the better of me and I quickly forgot the sad reality that there was nothing like a "Perfect world" and a "Perfect relationship".


It all dawned on me a few months down the line when things started going astray...after me giving him the "Cookie", he quickly lost interest in me and started cheating on me. He stopped being the "Prince Charming" that I knew him to be and showed me the side of him that I never knew existed. He all of a sudden became cold on me, stopped calling me, stopped replying my texts, stopped taking me out or even being seen with me in public...basically, he stopped caring about me.

A few days later, I found out that I was pregnant and being human, it was only right for me to inform the father of my soon to come baby of the pregnancy. I begged to meet up with Mapie and after exchanging pleasantries I quickly broke the news. With a strong commanding voice he looked me straight into the eyes and said "Am not ready to be a father! So better go for an abortion and leave me alone!! "....Just like that and he bolted off. I couldn't contain myself, I broke down and cried like a little baby...I locked myself in my room and at that point wished the earth would just open up and swallow me and get away from all this problems. How could I have been such a fool to fall for such a dog like him?!?!?!! I cursed and wished I never met him in the first place. I weighed all my options and finally decided to do an abortion. I went through he painful experience alone with no one by my side..My "Knight and Shinning Armour" nowhere in sight. After the abortion, I saw bits and pieces of my baby lying down in a bucket beside the bed, I hated myself for what I had just done and a cold guilt ran down my spine..I took a pic of my baby on my phone and kept it close. I called up Mapie, told him of the horrors I had endured and asked him to come be by my side since I was weak, stressful and needed someone to talk to. Mapie hung up on me before I even finished telling him how the abortion went...

I gathered up strength and dragged myself from hospital. I met up with Mapie's friends on my way home and told them my whole experience. You could have seen the shock on their faces..Mapie hadn't even told his closest pals that I was pregnant for him..**such a coward**..They really felt sorry for me and helped me get home. I tried calling Mapie more than 10 times when I got home but he never picked up my calls. I sent Mapie the pic of the foetus thinking that it would change his heart a bit and at least talk to me about it but woe unto me...Mapie spammed the picture of the foetus to the whole school and everyone knew what I had done. People laughed at me and girls looked down on me as the outcast whore who aborts every day. Stories were told and rumors were spread..Life became unbearable for me at college. I was so shy and lonely as no one wanted to associate with me. The sad reality is that I still love Mapie and pray that one day he comes back to me and explain what I did wrong or what really happened between us. Up to this day I feel a cloud of guilt hanging over me because of taking the life of an innocent angel. I still see the image of my baby whenever I close my eyes to sleep. Am afraid of telling my family as I don't know how they will take it..hopefully Mapie will come back to me and all will be well again...I JUST WANT TO GET OVER IT!!