DESERT [JOKES]

Akpos is right back from school,
tired and hungry
Mother: Akpos you are back?
Akpos: Yes mum..
Mother: What were you taught
in school today? Akpos: It's Agriculture
Mother: Which topic?
Akpos: Desert.!
Mother: What is desert?

The pilot and the mad men [jokes]

A pilot was transporting a bunch of mad men
to a psychiatric Hospital.
The mad men were making soo much noise,
such that you could Hear from Land.
So, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin;
MAD MAN: Hi Pilot, Please Teach me how to fly
a plane!
PILOT: I would, but under one condition.
MADMAN: What?
PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep
quiet.

jokes

One day,a lady told a guy

jokes

A man at work calls home and his 8 years old
daughter picks the phone:
“Hi honey,this is daddy.Is mommy near the
phone?”
“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
“After a brief pause daddy says,“But honey
you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do,and he is upstairs in the room
with mommy right now.”
Brief pause,“Uh okay then,this is what I want
you to do:Put the phone down on the
table,run upstairs,knock on the bedroom
door,and shout to mommy that daddy’s car

AN OPEN LETTER TO BILL GATES [joke]

AN OPEN LETTER TO BILL GATES
 TO: Bill Gates Microsoft
 FROM: Me
 SUBJECT: Problems With My New Computer.
 Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
 We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
 1. There is a 'START' button but there is no 'STOP'
 button. We request you to check this.
 2. One doubt is whether any 'RESCOOTER' is available in system? I find only 'RECYCLE' but I own a scooter at my home.

WHO IS THE MOST FOOLISH AMONG THE FOLLOWING?.

WHO IS THE MOST FOOLISH AMONG THE FOLLOWING?.
 1. Someone who eats at a restaurant and washes
 the plates after eating.
 2. Someone who greets a person inside a T.V.
 3. Someone who takes a block of ice and looks for
 a spot where it is dripping.
 4. A Nurse who wakes up a sick
 sleeping person to give him or her sleeping pills because he or she
 forgot to take them.

I'm still laffing hard..Enjoy!

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying:
 "Doc!Doc!Come fast now! Is ma wife man! Her water is broken man! She is about born a child man!"

LUNCH HOUR JOKE....

A boy and a girl were in love.
 When the girl’s father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
 Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.
 The girl’s father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

WHAT A WORLD!!

This is a real story of a young ex-Unilag girl who
 passed away last month.
 Her name was Lola.
 She was hit by a car at Oyingbo on her way to work
 at Apapa.
 She was working for MTN.

The wife fainted [joke]

Wife comes home late at night
 and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
 From under the blanket
 she sees four legs instead of two!
 She reaches for a baseball bat
 and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
 Once she's done,
 she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
 As she enters,
 she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :she said
 "hi darling", he says,
 "your parents have come to visit us,

Bad Communication [JOKES]

A  judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
Wife: About 4 acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.
Judge: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Wife: It is made of concrete, brick and mortar
Judge: I mean,What are your relations like?
Wife: I have an aunt and uncle living in warri
and some dum husband's parents.
Judge: Do u have a real grudge?
Wife: No,we have a broken down Toyota pick-up and have never really needed one.
Judge: Please,is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Wife: no, both my son and daughter bank with fedelity bank. We don't necessarily like the services, but the answer 2 your questions is no.
Judge: Ma'am, does your husband ever beat u up?
Wife: Yes,about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,Lady, why do u want a divorce?
Wife: Oh, I don't want a divorce. I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me and my communication skills suck!

Fun story father-in-law, smoke, chewing gum, marriage

Father-In-Law: Young man, u’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum. That’s a sign of disrespect!

Akpors: Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.

Father-In-Law: You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?

Akpors: Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club.

Father-In-Law: U club too?

Akpors: I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.

Father-In-Law: U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God!

Akpors: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!

Father-In-Law: What!!! U’re a killer???

Akpors: Sir, it happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me marry his daughter so I killed him.

WHAT IS STRESS? [jokes]

U give a lift 2 a beautiful girl, she faints inside ur car
 & u take her 2 d hospital. Now that's stressful.
 .
 But at d hospital, d doctor says she is pregnant &
 congratulates u dat u are goin 2 b a father. U say u
 are not d father, but d girl says u are. Dis is getting
 very stressful.
 .
 U request a DNA test 2 prove dat u are not d
 father, but d girl says u are. Dis is getting
 extremely stressful.
 .
 After d test, d doctor says dat u can't b d father
 cuz u are infertile. U are extremely stressed but
 relieved.

THE SAILOR AND THE PROFESSOR. [jokes]

A professor was traveling by boat,on their way he
 asked the sailor 'Do you know Biology? Econlogy?
 Zoology? Epidemology? No 'said the sailor
 Professor what the hell do you know? You will die of
 illitracy.1 hour later,the boat stated sinking , the
 sailor looked at the professor and said,do youknow
 swiminology and Escapeology from Sharkology? No
 said the professor
 Well that means Crocodilelogy will eat your
 Headology and you will dieology with your

basket mouth nite of a thousand laugh 22

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY AT A STORE

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY AT A STORE,I STILL CAN'T GET OVER IT.I WENT TO THE SUPER MARKET 2 PICK SOMETHING TO EAT AND AS I WAS WALKING DOWN THR ISIE,I NOTICED THIS MAN STARING AT ME.

The chicken was delicious." [JOKES]

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

nine A.M [JOKES]

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"

Grandpa will pay the bill." [JOKES]

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

I've forgotten her name [JOKES]

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names