The major problem confronting parents when their baby is raped is fear
that the motive might be ritualistic. If it is, parents are apprehensive
that the effect may not even be immediate but may in future affect her
reproduction, leading to serious sickness or death. It is absolutely
unfathomable the extent the agents of the devil can go in harming an
innocent baby for the selfish purpose of just making money.
Parents
breathe in air of relief when they find out that the sex abuse has
nothing to do with diabolical means. To them, it is a better evil. Then
they rush for HIV test and there is something to celebrate if the child
is also free from that. The psychological impact on the baby may not be
considered and it may constitute a real problem in the future, causing
the child to develop a negative attitude towards marriage and also
difficulty in trusting men.
Three weeks ago, the serial
defilement of toddlers by a school teacher was published in the papers. A
six-year-old girl, a pastor's daughter, braved it all to let the cat
out of the bag! Her dad was reputed to have collapsed when he read the
doctor's report that his infant-child had lost her hymen. Would you
blame him? If there are some places parents are wary of sending their
children for fear of defilement, it does not certainly include their
schools. If there are hawks they fear that might do such a heinous act
to their children, they will never think of their teachers.
Teachers
have a reputation all over the world of building up children in
academics as well as in character molding. Promiscuity is not at all
included in that syllabus. Since respect is earned, teachers have large
slices and some children even respect their teachers more than they do
to their parents. But when teachers degenerate to the beastly level of
sexually abusing innocent babies and the children start to avoid them,
it leaves behind a sour taste that throws a big challenge to the
government and also to school proprietors.
The weapon the conman employed was that of death threat should any child reveal what he was doing to them.
That
intimidation served also his purpose that no child turned down his
devilish advances. Apart from teachers, house-servants also pose dangers
to toddlers, especially, where the couple leaves home early in the
morning and returns late at night. It will be difficult for them to
imagine what goes on behind them and the 'real parents' of their
children during the day. Some children contact venereal diseases through
the house-servants and by the time parents know, real harm has been
done. Dancing attendance by evil house boys precludes parents from
listening to neighbours who know what happens during the day and such
neighbours, sometimes, are held in contempt. Parents should probe to the
bottom bad reports from neighbours and not to ignore situations that
should put them on inquiry.
There is still a way out. This is by
creating intimacy between parents and their children. It will ward off
all forms of threats from anybody that forces them to submission in
wrong doing. Parents can devote some time to singing and dancing with
their children, a fun they are used to in school. Sometimes, parents can
organize competitions along these lines, deliberately allowing them to
win. Dining with them and having meaningful daily and participatory
family devotion will help in building their faith in the Lord Jesus
Christ.
Creating an environment in which the children fear their
parents as if they are Local Government staff on rate drive, may drive
the children away from them. If an adult defiles the children, beating
is senseless as it leaves behind nothing for the child to learn, being
oblivious of what sex is all about. Beating may even foreclose any
future attempt to inform the parents of what 'Uncle' does to them. They
should use wisdom in getting from their children what transpired during
the day and who touched their 'puh-puh'. When a certain 'Uncle' would
position his penis in his turn-trouser pocket and was compelling little
girls to play with the 'rat' in his pocket, it was not the cane but
intimacy that made one of them tell her parents about the 'rat in
Uncle's pocket'.
Our children are lost to the world when they
hide things from us and sometimes, these are things they freely discuss
with their peers and people at the neighbourhood. The world pampers them
when we whimper at them. Let us change. Let us win back our children's
confidence.
This does not mean that we should over-pamper them,
ignoring the wrong things they do. The position of the Bible stresses
that there is time for everything. There is a time for war and also a
time foe peace, a time to beat the children with the left hand and the
right is used in bringing them back home. All corrections should be by
love and children know when our correction is not in love.
For further counselling, contact Osondu Anyalechi
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